The 7 Personalities You’ll Meet in NYC That’ll Make You Want to Move to New Jersey
BY SHAYNE RICH
First of all, we’re kidding –– kind of. The capital of diversity can be overwhelming with the range of newcomers arriving to the city daily. However, there are a few bold personality types that tend to stick out within the 8 billion people you have the possibility of meeting on your next morning commute. To be clear, this demographic is geared towards Gen Z (born in 1997 - 2012), or anyone with an admiration for starter pack culture.
Here’s your social breakdown of these iconic city crawlers roaming the Big Apple:
Geared towards heterosexual women that never left the high school party phase, they are our equivalent of what a sorority girl is to a state school. She could cheat with your man and you would kind of be okay with it. They ruin the egos of DJs and club promoters nightly. You can count on a Snapchat story from them in the morning, documenting the hottest people you’ve ever seen chugging Grey Goose down like it’s Smartwater. She’s everything your inner Paris Hilton desires to be. Everyone vicariously lives through her Insta photoshoot happening in the back of her Uber Black. All of her friends are universally attractive, and you have no idea what she looks like without makeup. She’s out until 6 in the morning and back at her professional job killing it at 9 a.m.
It’s your hot shot from state school using mommy and daddy’s connections to land an internship in Midtown Manhattan. You can catch them sporting their fraternity or sorority letters at any given moment. They need you to know that they had a great time in high school. Leisure sport of choice is indoor tennis, and they wouldn’t be caught dead in anything other than Lululemon while playing. During the office’s lunch break, you can catch them adding pins to their wedding board on Pinterest. Also, they have actually never been outside of Manhattan because the Queens and Brooklyn boroughs are too intimidating.
The Actual New Yorker
Naturally the coolest looking person in the room, they are filled with crazy D-list celebrity connections. Owning a pair of Timberland boots is a rite of passage. They’re not even kind of amused by your childhood suburban stories. They tried becoming famous as a kid or are still attempting at it. They look like they want to kick your ass and they could. Their friend invented Venmo. They bleed orange and blue for the Knicks. The city is actually their playground, and they don’t pay for the underground transportation that goes along with it.
They’re everything your parents are worried you’ll turn out to be.
Upper East Side Moms
You can sniff them coming around the corner with their $4,000 stroller. Never alone, these alpha females take no shit from morning commuters making them late to their SoulCycle class. After buying out the Whole Foods gluten-free section, you can watch them form together like vultures to shit-talk in Central Park about the new uniform policy. It’s not even a question that Mary Katherine the III is getting a candy-filled rainbow tier cake and a private performance from Jojo Siwa for her third birthday party. They never have to pay for tanning beds because they just got a tan from their trip to the south of France. The one time they attempted to take the subway, they saw a rat and had to call their personal driver. They wore a daring color other than black for once, but didn’t like the style. To top it off, they have the Canada Goose logo embalmed on their entrance way floor inside their brownstone.
The Upcoming CEOs
They eat, sleep, and shit work. Every morning they read their “recommended” section on LinkedIn to remind themselves who the f**k they are. Their idea of going on vacation is attending a networking event in Los Angeles. They haven’t gotten a full 8 hours of rest since they were 11-years-old. You can find the term “Girl Boss” printed on her planner, coffee mug, and tattooed to her forehead. His idol is Jordan Belfort and he hasn’t been nice to a significant other since his high school prom. Their Instagram layout is near perfection, intact with screenshots of the amount of miles they ran that morning. They have the highest Uber rating in the friend group and are extremely vocal about it.
The Out of Townies
Yes, even the people not from here get their own subcategory. What would New Yorkers be without their constant complaining of slow dads from Milwaukee? This is the social media influencer you love to creep on that comes to New York for a school or family-related trip. They went to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner and maybe left Times Square. They stood in front of Tiffany’s, Supreme, the …. but weren’t satisfied with any of the photos because people kept walking through their shot, how rude. There’s an artsy photo of central park on their VSCO now with the grainy effect. The Naked Cowboy is the craziest thing they’ve ever seen and can’t believe how much you pay for rent. They keep searching for the Friend’s location of Central Perk because no one has told them that it doesn’t exist.
Clearly, a city as large and encompassing as New York is made up of many different faces and lifestyles. But there is no doubt you will find some of these along the way.
Lead Image: Giphy
Quote Graphics by Shayne Rich